I found myself in a unique position. I was a widow, yet under 30 and I knew I would date again. Slowly I started answering questions, and being a bit more open about my new life. Over time I found this helped others who were also struggling, but more importantly it helped their support people. Grief is messy and awkward. I’ve found if I talk about it, it makes those conversations a little bit easier for others.

Trigger Warning

I write openly. Nothing is off the table. My language is abrasive and certainly not family friendly. I openly discuss death, grief, PTSD, struggles with alcohol and other substances, self harm, suicidal tendencies and ideations, depression and anxiety. Oh, and SEX.

  • The Night Of- Part 3 of 3
    Trigger Warning I openly discuss death, grief, PTSD, struggles with alcohol and other substances, self harm, suicidal tendencies and ideations, depression and anxiety. Part 3 Cop 2 came out and instructed Cop 1 to take me to Scott’s apartment. As we walked up the stairs I remember someone telling me they had trauma counselors onContinue reading “The Night Of- Part 3 of 3”
  • The Night Of- Part 2
    I immediately told Cop 1 I was going to vomit. I knew I was likely in his custody; -I knew he wanted to talk to me. I was happy to comply, but I was going to puke. “If you must.” I went to my bathroom, closing my bedroom door behind me.  I knew that lookedContinue reading “The Night Of- Part 2”
  • The Night Of- Part 1
    I don’t remember much of that weekend. It was good; we were good. I didn’t feel well at all on Sunday. Looking back as an empath I wonder if that was something I should’ve paid more attention to. Weekly Taco Night was on the board, but Howard made me a grilled cheese instead. He wasContinue reading “The Night Of- Part 1”
  • Steph’s Favorite Things
    Tea It has been said that a good cup of tea is like getting the effects of a hot bath within a cup. After removing alcohol from my diet, I found a need to replace it with something else. Why tea? It’s different, yet available most places. I also struggle with caffeine and tea givesContinue reading “Steph’s Favorite Things”
  • Some are Born to Sing the Blues
    This is the hardest piece I have ever written. My resume contains several obituaries, eulogies, and expressions of my own grief, struggles, and pain.  I’ve been a writer since I became literate. My bedroom has always been littered with notes and doodles on shreds of paper or mail, and piles of journals and notepads. IContinue reading “Some are Born to Sing the Blues”
  • Aortic Dissection
    I became a widow at 29 because of aortic dissection-this is a perfect opportunity for me stand up and wave the “widow flag.” Many of you know, our circle also lost another close friend to this about a year before Howard. So what is it?In short- Howard’s aorta had a weak spot that developed overContinue reading “Aortic Dissection”
  • Patrick Fucking Roy
    I cannot continue to use the phrase “Widow to Warrior” without explaining it. Simply put, warrior is Patrick Roy’s thing and that man is my hero. If you don’t know the name, he’s an incredibly sexy hockey god. Do yourself a favor and scroll through images when you Google him so you can enjoy thatContinue reading “Patrick Fucking Roy”
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